Addiction

 

I chose to love a drug addict - any attempt to help her, short of absolute devotion, would have been a waste of time. She could be incredibly sweet, enthusiastic.. of course volatile - I appreciate the understanding of necessity, characteristic of many in her position. I have learnt the lesson a number of times, never so poignantly - internal conflict must be dealt with alone.. one can only illustrate the benefits of sobriety, there is little point to raising the issue

 

Status, power, media, satisfaction, alcohol, freedom - our passion may only shift from one to another. I am addicted to the idea of love - infatuation followed by despair [irresistible]. The desire has woven its way into every aspect of my life, critical in defining me

 

"Sure", cigarettes kill you.. they do not form neural loopholes - compromise your conscious thought, nor misplace the cause of your issues

 

You face the problem, to coat it with a nice film of booze - drop it into the pool of your mind.. it will gently drift down, down to the bedrock, that which is you.. and mostly so - to this, a remedy is not easily acquired

 

Marijuana is as addictive, it has put my life in extreme jeopardy - my use has never placed others at risk. It seems to inhibit social cues, numb the mind, paranoia [of course] - use, as a coping mechanism, is detrimental

 

Our society promotes dependency - the capitalist regime thrives on desperation, social division [isolation].. for the sake of freedom, "a cruel joke". A moral backbone is of course critical, one of few things not imposed upon us - materialism, distraction, dependency, inhibit our ability to achieve this

 

I have been happy a number of times - through childhood ignorance, a brief trip to Spain, trying to live alone in the mountains/out of a bakkie with my insane girlfriend.. and now, with an old friend, sober as a bowl of salad [have it your way - long as you let me have it mine]